Insidious : Chapter 3

Hello horror fans! Sorry we’ve been a bit quiet as of late! We’ve recently been through a house move (before you ask, no, we haven’t moved to a large haunted house out in the sticks – wouldn’t that be a rookie mistake to make!) Anyway, having settled down now, we’ve started to get back into watching some great movies. One of these is the brand new Insidious instalment, with the directing baton being handed firmly over from James Wan to Leigh Whannel.

On the whole it’s a pretty good series, but we initially had mixed feelings about Chapter 3… the first two chapters had been acceptable, and the law of sequels dictates that the third one must always be awful. Chapter 3 was a prequel, to further confuse the situation. Still, we trotted off to the cinema and took our chances with what could be either terrifying or try-hard.

The film opens with our favourite clairvoyant and friend, Elise, who is angry and talking to ghosts (nothing new there.) Our protagonist, Quinn, is a typical doe-eyed teenage drama-junkie who wants to speak to her dead mum. Managing to convince Elise to communicate with the dead, against her wishes, she is warned to stop trying to talk to her mum because it is DANGEROUS. (Obviously, she ignores this advice or the film would end right here – boo!)

Life goes on for troubled Quinn and her distant father. The boy next door is in love with her, her Dad mispronounces Quinoa and Quinn, anachronistically, has a food blog. It’s really not looking good for her. Not only does her Dad not understand her need for complex carbs, but he also stops her from practising her Drama reading because her brother is late for school.

The drama audition of Quinn’s life is ruined when she spots a mysterious waving figure, and then to top it off she gets crushed by a car. Her legs suffer multiple fractures (and that’s lame because she needs her legs to go to the shop to buy more Quinoa…although her Dad gives her a bell, so that’s a plus. Now she can have kale chips, spirulina smoothies and other trendy grub on demand), but things are looking up. The boy next door called her a ‘traffic stopper’ and is tapping on the wall above her bed. How adorable. Except it’s not, because he texts her and is actually not even in. Quinn starts to realise that everything might not be totally groovy and that actually there might be some sort of demon-ghost-thing trying to reach out to her. The man who had waved during her theatre audition is introduced, and he’s behind the curtains, just creeping on Quinn and leaving behind a treacle-like substance with every step he takes (not really explained but probably a nightmare to clean up)…

The paranormal activities continue to escalate, and we bare witness to a number of cataclysmic events such as Quinn being picked up by the creepy old man and thrown onto the floor, where she faces a limbless, eyeless version of herself. Elise pays father and daughter a visit, where she confirms that Quinn brought back a spirit from the ‘dark world’ whilst trying to communicate with her deceased mother. The spirit isn’t looking for a free ride into the real world so they can do real-human stuff again like have a few beers in the pub or get a job in marketing. It has a more sinister agenda, where it’s trying to lure Quinn into the dark world so that she can be manipulated for evil-doings. So far, half of Quinn exists in the dark world (this explains her limbless doppelganger) so she needs to fully return to the real world. Let’s not forget Insidious fans, that Elise is literally fighting her own demons (and has been doing so for the past 2 chapters); every time she transcends into the dark world, a crazy witch lady (Josh) tries to kill her.

Elise has had enough, so Dad calls on bumbling ghost-hunter duo Tucker and Specs (who you’ll recognise from chapters 1 and 2), and the two set up some basic bait traps to capture some supernatural goings on. These gadgets are no match for Quinn, who’s in full-on-possessed mode and clubs everyone across the head with a wrench. She’s restrained before it all gets too much and Elise steps in. All parties join hands and have a seance, where Elise steps into the dark world ready to kick some demon butt. After a face-off with treacle-footprint man (who initially disguises himself as her deceased husband), Elise snatches up Quinn’s limbless counterpart and drags her back into the real world. Huzzah! Job done……….or is it? A sneaky little spook at the end hints at, maybe, a 4th installment? Who knows.

So, that’s the plot. Here’s our verdict…

All in all, it’s pretty good. If you enjoyed the first two films, or you’re just a fan of supernatural horror in general then this one will satisfy your horror cravings. It isn’t anything insightful or smart, or something which is going to make you question your existence whilst you lay awake at night. Take off your ‘horror snob’ hat, and put on your ‘hollywood blockbuster’ hat!

The atmosphere it creates is very similar to it’s two predecessors, and all of the trademark horror tactics are here but nicely and cleverly executed. You’ve got the “going into the creepy dark cellar/basement” shot (Elise following the treacle man), the ‘object mysteriously moving on it’s own shot’ (the bell), the “low lit seance-around-a-single-candle” shot (happens quite a bit), the “building-up-to-a-scare-but-it’s-nothing” shot (Quinn in bed) and many more. Where the majority of hollywood horror films rely on these techniques as if they’re some-sort of rulebook, and usually fall flat in putting them on the big screen. Insidious delivers these standard hallmarks very well without too much seriousness, balanced by tense buildups and climaxes; the cinematic equivalent of a fun roller-coaster ride. Plus I’m sure that, when this comes out on DVD or BluRay, the film’s characteristics and effects will translate well to your own home.

What stood out for me was that some of the film occasionally has a bit of an Asian horror feel to it. This is portrayed through Quinn’s steady descent into madness and, more notably, the portrayal and costume for the ‘gas-mask treacle man’ character. I can’t quite put my finger on it. With the camera fully focusing on him; a cold, icy stare into the gasmask accompanied by asthmatic breathing – I don’t know…it’s different, it’s effective. Not sure if this is what Whannel had in mind, but it’s a mysterious beast and a very welcome change to the usual hollowed-out corpse/translucent ghost girl that plagues a lot of supernatural horror movies. The hallways within the apartment block where Quinn and the family live are a bit Shining-esque (hooray!), and possessed Quinn is going to send a bit of a chill down your spine. Watch open-mouthed as she drunkenly hobbles with broken legs with a look of pure hatred in her eyes. The sound of her walking will make even the fearless of men wince a little, like a million people cracking their knuckles all at once over and over again.

This brings me to the acting, which is pretty sound from all members of the cast. Quinn Brenner is played by up and coming starlet Stefanie Scott; her first role on the big screen. Lin Shaye as Elise delivers a top-notch performance too in the same vein as her previous Insidious roles, conveying great emotion and acting skill without going over the top. Incompetent ghost hunters Angus Sampson (Tucker) and Mr Whannel himself (Specs) deliver their usual goofiness similar to the first two films, perhaps a bit too well. It detracted us significantly from the tension and fear that had been gradually building for the vast majority of the film, almost serving as a bit of a distraction.

But, hey, remember what hat you put on earlier. This is Hollywood – and Hollywood will deliver what your average cinema-goer wants. The results of the ‘Insidious franchise market research survey’ are in boss! Look, it shows that people like to be scared, but also like to laugh!” “…ahh I know, better bring out the lads. Make one of them ruin the atmosphere by jotting down Elise’s seance dialogue with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, make sure one of them looks disinterested as he eats an eccentric looking cupcake, and make Elise say a witty line as she’s about to go into full on battle mode – “come on, bitch!””. It’s a bit of a cheap shot all this relatable humour business especially wedged into a horror movie, and it can be a recipe for disaster a lot of the time especially if the humour is forced in. However, it works well in this case. People in the audience at our cinema screening had a good giggle (us included) and it again goes to show that the film doesn’t take itself too seriously.

All in all, this is a good film that doesn’t sully the Insidious franchise. The end of the film opens up with potential for another chapter. Personally i’m a bit worried that the idea’s going to wear a bit thin after another instalment or two, but perhaps there’s still life in this old dog yet. Let’s wait and see!

The Lampy-metre

If you were spooked out by Insidious and Insidious 2, then this film won’t let you down. It’s not going to leave you pale and clutching to your blankie at night, but it’s great entry-level horror for novices and an enjoyable thrill for horror lovers.

#ForeignFilmFriday: ‘A l’intérieur’ (Inside) – Review

 

It’s your classic baby rom-com, a baby is on the way. Yayyy! Congratulations! Oh…one tiny thing, though. Instead of a stork delivering the baby, it’s an incredibly scary Frenchwoman who literally cuts the baby out of you after turning your house into a Tarantino-esque bloodbath. Standard “what to expect when expecting” material, really.

We can’t stress highly enough that this film is unsuitable for those who are pregnant. Unless you’re a masochistic mum-to-be this film is one to avoid, better to stick Juno on instead. It’s probably not a film to add to your collection if you’re particularly squeamish in general, as it really leaves nothing to the imagination.

Although, here at It’s Under The Bed, we take a ‘the-gorier-the-better’ philosophy, so French horror film À l’intérieur from Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury was a welcome addition to our Friday night line up.

 

Sarah, played by Alysson Paradis, opens the film after we discover that her husband (and expectant father) had been killed in a car crash that Sarah and the baby managed to survive. We see Sarah as an alienated character, and one who is so aloof, cold and… French. She is massively, massively pregnant and adamant at being alone at home, having an induction planned for the next day. Whilst home alone, things begin to pick up with the introduction of the oh-so chilling Beatrice Dalle, who proceeds to lurk around in her black witchy clothes causing all sorts of mayhem. There are no other words to describe Dalle’s performance… she is utterly horrifying. Sarah, being a photographer, manages to take some haunting photos of the unknown intruder which perfectly capture how mad Dalle’s character looks. Flash photography is one of those brilliant things that is seldom used in films – flashes add the perfect amount of confusion without being too annoying, and dark rooms are quite sinister anyway.

We digress… Sarah decided that she had better get some rest, and the next scene is the intruder sitting over the sleeping Mum and bump, before she oh-so casually stabs Sarah in the stomach. With giant scissors. Yeah…as subtle as a sledgehammer.

Where are the safety scissors when you need them?

Rule one of being pregnant -apart from avoiding sushi- is to not be stabbed in the stomach. The gore starts to increase, and Sarah somehow manages to lock herself in the pristine (for now) bathroom. The pregnancy is such a good device – the audience feels protective over Sarah, and Maury and Bustillo have perfectly captured her vulnerability. One of the most striking chords in this film is that such sympathy is created for Sarah. In paranormal films, one is always conscious of the absurd, but in a film like this it uses the defenceless nature of the lead to almost mirror a sense of weakness within the audience… the film is not outside the realms of reality, which in my opinion makes it far more terrifying to watch that your run-of-the-mill supernatural flick.

Two visitors arrive at the house (don’t worry, they aren’t here for long). Sarah’s photographer boss is swiftly killed by the witchy intruder, and then in an awful twist, Sarah’s Mother is killed by Sarah (trigger-happy with fear… understandable). Police also arrive, but (wait for it) they are also killed by the witchy intruder. Things get brutal, with Sarah and the witchy intruder delivering some strong blows to each other with various kitchen appliances. Witchy intruder gets set on fire, and half of her face melts off. Dramatic stuff.

In a clever turn of events however, the directors then proceed to switch the entire nature in which we perceive the two women… Witchy intruder reveals that she had been pregnant when Sarah had crashed into her car. Whoah, major plot twist. Witchy intruder instantly becomes less of a random sociopath and almost a… victim? We really enjoy characters who are developed within a film or a book. A flat character with no back-story and personality traits is just about acceptable in a horror movie as they are not normally pivotal to the main storyline, but someone who’s character is fully developed is far more enjoyable and engaging for the audience. Immediately, the film becomes more akin to a revenge story. Subverting genres. I like.

The crescendo of the film ends with Sarah going into labour. Understandable, considering the shitty night she’s had. Her vulnerability is re-kindled and Witchy Intruder-Victim becomes a sort of mother and soothes Sarah, that is until she literally cuts the baby out of her. Mmhmm, Mother of the year award.

Achievement unlocked: EXTREME CAESARIAN

 

So all in all, the film is a semi-realistic vengeance-squeamish-french-gore-athon. An utter delight for us and hardcore horror fans alike. It is creepy, and has scenes that make you wince and squirm. If a film is powerful enough to evoke these emotions in a viewer, then its a surefire winner in our book. The take home message for this review? WARNING! Not for the faint hearted! 🙂

 

The Lampy-metre

The lampy’s are strong with this one, folks. Sensitive viewers who decide to take the plunge with this film might want to combine all of their lampy’s together into a kind of ‘mega-lampy’ before going to sleep. Oh, and just because we’re feeling extra generous, help yourself to a nice big dose of mind bleach if you need it!

Pet Sematary – Review

Hello horror fans, today we’ll be discussing and reviewing the 1989 film adaptation of Stephen King’s classic ‘Pet Sematary’.

So let me just say that, as far as the book is concerned, it’s one of Mr King’s best works alongside Misery and The Shining. (We both adore The Shining, and this is clearly evident from this post we made not so long ago!) For those who also enjoy his novels, I’m sure you’ll agree that the way he sets and describes each scene is impeccable. It leaves us captivated, thoroughly immersed in the moment and hanging onto every word. So, when it comes to a novel’s transition to the big screen, the bar is set extremely high and there is no room for any amateurism.

Luckily, for Pet Sematary, it’s film adaptation (directed by Mary Lambert) is enjoyable, offers good attention to detail from the book, and is topped off with a solid cast. The plot is explained below and, as it evolves and changes throughout the book/film, I’ll intersperse the synopsis with my opinions, thoughts and critique. Are we sitting comfortably? Let’s begin:

Louis Creed (played by Dale Midkiff), his wife Rachel (Denise Crosby), their children Ellie (Blaze Berdahl) and Gage (Miko Hughes) and pet cat Church (Winston Churchill) have moved to the sleepy town of Ludlow from bustling Chicago. Their new home sits on the edge of a busy highway, a major route for the Orinco trucks to transport their goods all over the state. When moving in they are soon introduced to their elderly neighbours Jud Crandall (Fred Gwynne) and his wife Norma (who is exempt from the film adaptation).

We are given a bit of an insight into the daily lives of the Creed family and Louis and Jud become close friends, but Jud puts their friendship in jeopardy when he takes the family down a windy path near their home leading to the ‘Pet Sematary’, a place where the children of Ludlow bury their deceased animals (who had previously been killed by vehicles on the busy stretch of road).

(“Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but we’re going to a graveyard, so bring your baby”.)

After the visit, Ellie is distressed and becomes increasingly worried about Church (leading to Rachel and Louis having a colossal argument over the subject), and Louis deals with a major casualty victim on the university campus – Victor Pascow (Brad Greenquist) – who speaks to Louis about the Pet Sematary before passing away.

Let me just say at this point that, when we are introduced to each character in the film, it is made completely clear that this film was made in the 80s. This isn’t a bad thing! I had a good chuckle at Rachel’s ‘Jonny Bravo’ haircut, Ellie’s super-sized glasses and Victor’s skimpy taste in clothing (as you can see below). Hey, it’s sometimes said that fashion trends can repeat themselves, so we could be in a situation where maroon cycling shorts are flying off the shelves in Topman at £40 a piece. Who’s that fellow hanging out amongst a load of trendy Camden kids? Why, it’s hipster Victor Pascow, right on cue, saying he was wearing those shorts before they were cool…

“Who wears short shorts?”

Louis is haunted by dreams involving Victor, not because of those shorts, but because of his warning about the Pet Sematary. The dream sequence involving Louis and Victor is well executed. Without the technological advancements of modern day Hollywood special effects, there is much more focus on the surrounding scenery and it’s complimentary music score – and that’s what makes the sequence engaging to watch. Mary provides a haunting atmosphere complete with hazy low-level mist, dissonant drones, crashing metallic thuds, juddering strings and cawing crows/hooting owls. “This is the place where the dead speak … Do NOT go on to the place where the dead walk!” Louis waking up with his feet covered in pine needles and muck is the icing on the cake here – the delivery of this twist isn’t too full blown, but packs a solid punch to round everything off.

Whilst the whole family (sans Louis) are in Chicago seeing Rachel’s parents, Church is involved in an unfortunate car accident leading to his death. Accompanied by Jud, he and Louis bag him up and walk to the Pet Sematary to bury him. However, Jud tells Louis to keep walking. Guiding him through a twisted path accompanied by tangled brambles and haunting screams from the “Loons”, he is taken to an ancient Micmac burial ground situated on-top of a mesa. Louis grabs his shovel, does the deed and, after returning home, Jud reveals that the trip must remain a secret.

A recurring quote in this film (first introduced at this point) is “The soil of a man’s heart is stonier; a man grows what he can and tends it.” I guess you can interpret this quote in a number of ways, but here’s a straight-forward no-frills version – “Louis, don’t bury animals or people in the Micmac ground. They’ll come back as zombies and it will be bloody awful”. (Not sure why Jud didn’t just say this instead of beating around the bush!)

So on this note, Church comes back to life and returns home. My word, I don’t like to admit this but Church’s half-dead appearance really caught me off-guard. I’m mostly immune to shock tactics and the trademark horror jumps, but when zombie Church appeared out of nowhere, I almost shat my pants. I think this works because it’s completely unexpected – usually with this horror cliche there is some-sort of build up (e.g. man wanders through empty haunted house and ghost slowly creeps up from behind) but, in this case, Louis is idly sorting out some items in his garage one moment and the next we are faced with this demonic critter booming out a guttural howl.

“I hope that’s cottage pie in my trousers!”

The family return home from Chicago and, apart from Church smelling funky and having a hearty bloodlust for small creatures and birds, they don’t really catch on that Church isn’t quite himself. Louis knows the truth, and it’s eats him up inside quicker than when I demolish a large Domino’s Pizza (truly a sight to behold).

A tragic family event strikes the Creed family where Gage is run over by a passing Orinco truck. Putting the horror elements of this film to one side, this is the scene which has the most effect in the entire film – and for anyone else who’s watched it, I’m sure you’ll wholeheartedly agree. Rather than seeing Gage get splattered in a smorgasbord of guts and motor parts, Mary takes a much more subtle approach by leaving the actual accident to the viewer’s imagination. One minute Gage is standing in the road trying to grip onto a kite, the next you see the kite just float away into the sky and one of Gage’s shoes (slightly smeared with blood) tumble down the road. Distressing to watch but cleverly done without any unnecessary blood and gore.

Gage’s death tears the family apart, and a jaded Louis can only see one way to fix it. After Gage’s funeral, he goes undercover to dig up his decaying body from the regular cemetery, so that it can be transferred into the Micmac burial ground. An unthinkable act translated to the big screen with gusto from start to finish, culminating with a great shot from inside the padded coffin where the lid is slowly lifted revealing Louis’ expression – a tempestuous mix of regret and determination to get the job done.

OK, so no surprises on what happens next! A rotting child’s hand fondles it’s way through the cairn on the mesa, and zombie Gage breaks free limping his way back to the Creed household. He’s not an angelic little boy anymore; what the viewer witnesses is a sinister and haunting devil-child fixated with murder. Here Mary uses the tried and tested build-suspense-then-deliver tactic but to surprisingly good effect, starting with Jud walking through his own home brandishing a weapon and ending with Gage tearing flesh from his throat leaving Jud face up in a pool of his own blood. Gage’s quest for annihilation is brought to a stop by Louis, but not before Gage brutally kills his wife. “Oh no, my sweet wife is dead! Wait…I know just what to do!”

The final part of the book/film translated into an outdated meme. Yes, ok, I need to get a life.

The film draws to a close with zombie Rachel returning to the Creed home – “Darrrrrling”, the undead figure purrs softly in Louis’ ear. The book ends right at this point (which I personally preferred), but the cameras stay rolling for a bit longer while a delusional Louis and zombie Rachel have a kiss and cuddle. The End.

So, there you have it. The film is by no means visual and storytelling perfection, but it’s solid evidence that you don’t need a bucketload of effects and Hollywood dazzle to captivate a viewer. The acting is rather impressive (honourable mention goes to Dale Midkiff as Louis), and overall it’s a great adaption (in comparison to the book there are some bits trimmed out but they aren’t particularly pivotal to the story anyway.)

Read the book if you haven’t done so first, then give the film a go – you won’t regret it. Viewers more susceptible to fright, peril, blood or a combination of the three may want to watch it with a buddy and perhaps put some Lampy’s on first! Enjoy!

 

The Lampy-metre

The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death – Review

Hello Horror fans, Chris reporting in here wishing you all a very happy new year! Sorry for the lack of activity on the blog as of late, we have both been super-duper busy throughout December. Hope you had a fantastic Christmas and got what you expected from Santa!

To ring in the new year, Laura and I thought it seemed right to watch and review the first Horror film to be released in 2015 – The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death. You might be familiar with the tagline which prominently features on all of its promotional posters – “She never forgives. She never forgets. She never left”. WELL horror fans, I think we can relate to the fabled woman in black – we will never forgive this shoddy sequel, we will never forget how lame it was, but we wished we’d left the cinema sooner! “What’s got your knickers in a twist about this film”, I hear you cry? Pop the kettle on, get comfy and read on…

For those not familiar with the storyline behind The Woman in Black series – it’s based around “Eel Marsh House“, a dilapidated manor set on the outskirts of the hamlet of Crythin Gifford. The building is connected by a windy stretch of road going through a marshy floodplain and, when the tide is high, the house is completely cut-off from the village. Apart from the fact that it’s a bit of a wreck, what makes this house spooky is that it’s haunted by the vindictive spirit of a woman dressed in black. After losing her son in the marsh pit surrounding the manor, she is hellbent on revenge against anyone who disturbs her.

“This is NOTHING like the brochure – send me back to blitzed London post-haste!”

So, with this in mind, let’s turn the clock forward 40 years to frenetic WWII London. A group of orphaned children, along with two teachers/caretakers Eve Parkins (Phoebe Fox) and Jean Hogg (Helen McRory), are forced to relocate to the desolate British countryside. With nowhere else to go, they are all rehoused in the crumbling hovel that is Eel Marsh House. Amongst the thick grey fog, turbulent skies and dense undergrowth, Eel Marsh House looks the part. If there’s one single positive thing I can say about this film, it’s the scenery. When they enter the abandoned building, it’s character inside is exactly what you’d expect. Dingy wallpaper barely clings to the wall, candle lights flicker away listlessly, and everything is coated in a thick layer of dust.

Straight from the first night, the house begins to deliver some unexpected surprises. However, most of the action is focused in two places – the remains of what used to be a playroom upstairs (complete with skull-crushed dolls, a suspicious looking straw hat (?!!) and some dubious looking toys (see below photo)) and the cellar downstairs (which mostly contains a load of tat and memorabilia belonging to the late Mrs Drablow). As far as the children are concerned, the main focus is on Edward (Oaklee Pendergast), who stumbles upon the playroom during a game of hide ‘n’ seek and communicates with the spirit, leaving the room with a toy sailor that he carries around. From hereon-in, the children in Eve and Jean’s care begin to be killed off one by one and, as a result of an investigation conducted by Eve and the suave ex-war pilot Harry Burnstow (Jeremy Irvine), it’s revealed that their deaths are eventually linked to The Woman in Black.

“SO MUCH NOPE!!”

On paper (well, on screen) the plot sounds decent enough but, my word, director Tom Harper‘s translation of this onto the big screen is completely boring and dire. The clunky acting, vastly prolonged scenes and uninspiring story drags this film kicking and screaming its way through its 98 minute duration like a spoilt child who’s just been refused candy.

The film is relentlessly padded out to cover its shoe-string plot. This is mostly done through pointless sub-stories and characters that lend nothing to the crux of the story and only serve to stretch out the film further.

Notable examples of this include recurring flashbacks to Eve’s past where she is a single mother giving birth to a child that is consequentially taken away from her (single mothers giving birth back then was a bit of a naughty no-no), a paint-by-numbers attraction scene between Eve and Harry where they cop off like high-school sweethearts whilst the kids are left unattended on an airport during WWII (well done Eve, your ‘caretaker of the year’ award is in the post), and some more flashbacks from Harry where he talks about the time he left his crew for dead in a sinking ship. I guess that Mr Harper is doing this to try and give these characters a bit of a back-story, but it would’ve had more effect if their back-stories actually influenced and drove the main storyline forward.

“Ah, I knew I’d applied too much foundation today”

What about the jumpy bits? Yes, it had a few but they are recycled and sporadic in nature. The only real jump I had in the film was something seemingly innocent, when one of the kids is joshing about with Edward by putting on a gasmask. This works because it’s unexpected and catches me off-guard. The other scares in this film follow the tired cookie-cutter formula that you see in the majority of ‘Hollywood horror’ – build suspense (get the viewer ready for a scare) then deliver it. The technique is blatantly rinsed to death throughout the entire film, leaving even horror novices glued to their chairs as they can clearly see when the scares are coming. The attempted-frights become a little more frequent and culminate towards the end when the spirit finally lets rip and tries to take Edward’s life, but it’s sporadicalness leaves a gaping void in the middle where literally nothing happens and I’d felt like I’d taken valium.

Put it this way folks, I recently had to buy two sets of RCA oxygen-free phono leads and a USB-to-lightening connector from Amazon – this virtual shopping list actually provided me with more excitement than watching “The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death”.

Hang on Mr Harper, I’m not done yet! Before leaving the cinema, I had to stand around while Laura quickly visited the “whiz palace”. I’d say that the vast majority of people who left the cinema shared exactly the same opinion as outlined above; a unanimous cry of “I almost fell asleep during that film” and “I was waiting for it to scare me but it didn’t”. Also, whilst idly feeding coins into the parking machine prior to driving home, Laura spotted a big gangly spider clinging onto the machine which gave her more of a fright.

TLDR version – the film sucks, avoid it like the plague. Phew!! OK, rant over.

Lampy-metre

A solid 1/10 here on the lampy-metre. Enough said…goodnight everybody!

Jessabelle – Review

 

 

Directed by Kevin Greutert (the man behind Saw VI, Saw 3D, and a directorial contributor to the cult film Donnie Darko), Jessabelle tells the story of a woman who returns to her childhood home and comes face-to-face with a distressed spirit who has been awaiting her return, and has no intention of letting her escape. Rotten Tomatoes awards it a stinky 25%, IMDB a measly 5.4/10, and AV Club a modest B-. It’s mixed feedback across the board. So, where exactly does Jessabelle sit on our film review radar? Is this a hair-raising horror or a boring blunder? Read on…

The film begins with our female protagonist, Jessie (played by Sarah Snook), who’s packing up and moving in with her boyfriend along with an unborn plus one. However, en-route to their new home, their futures are shattered when they’re involved in a high-speed side-on collision. Her boyfriend and unborn baby are killed in the crash, and Jessie is left temporarily paralysed. Despite Jessie having an aunt who she gets on perfectly well with, Jessie is “forced” to move back into her childhood home with her estranged father Leon (David Andrews). (Personally, if we were in this position, we’d probably just go and chill with the friendly aunt but, hey, where’s the film opportunity in that?)

When she moves in the supernatural presences and eerie goings on start taking place from the get-go, but things really start going downhill when she discovers and plays some old VHS tapes under the bed. There’s something we really like about the inclusion of VHS tapes in a horror film; the graininess and discolouration, the fuzzy snow static, the jumpy quality caused by poor tracking, oh, and nothing gives us the creeps more than an unlabelled one – who knows what’s been recorded on that? The worn VHS effect shines through nicely in the footage and generously adds to the sense of mystery surrounding the suspicious activity in the house.

The first tape she watches shows her dearly departed mother (Joelle Carter) giving her a good-natured ‘beyond-the-grave’ tarot reading which leads to her disclosing that an evil presence is in the house. Each recording provides a more accurate reading (stating that the presence is an evil demon), and the mother’s reactions to this evil spirit gradually begin to escalate with each tape. Leon catches Jessie watching these tapes, and eventually decides to set these (and accidentally himself) on fire. Safety first, kids! Don’t cover video tapes in gasoline and light a match immediately after.

Stop, drop ‘n’ roll! Stop, drop ‘n’ roll!

Fast forward to Leon’s funeral, and Jessie bumps into her old friend *cough ex boyfriend cough* Preston at the service (played by Marc Webber). Jessie and Preston have a catch-up over dinner, with Preston disclosing that he is married whilst the two stare longingly into each others eyes. Preston is unhappy about her being in the house on her own, and offers for her to stay the night with him and his wife. At one point Preston has Jessie in his arms and they engage in intense eye contact for an awkward 30+ seconds. Err…hang on! What happened to the story about the evil spirit that haunts Jessie? The impression that we both had at this point is that all elements of peril and horror take a distant backseat whilst the story focuses too heavily on the boring relationship between Preston and Jessie. This isn’t Eastenders, Kev. Nobody cares about this storyline!

With Preston becoming more and more involved in the mystery of Jessabelle, they both watch the tapes together (one of which is discovered hidden behind the house wall after a fight sequence with Jessie and spirit Jessabelle), and the storyline takes an interesting turn when both Jessie and Preston discover an ancient burial ground across the bayou. A tiny headstone with ‘Jessebelle’ crudely marked into it sits amongst an array of voodoo paraphernalia, and Preston digs up the grave to find the bones of a small child. The police become involved and take the bones away for examination. Apart from another discovery of a similar site used to bury ‘Moses’ (who previously told Jessie’s mother that Jessabelle was a demon), the voodoo magic themes are left very much unexplored. A shame really, as this could’ve given the story a slightly different edge instead of taking the cookie cutter ‘demonic spirit’ route.

Preston is eventually attacked by Jessabelle when he takes Jessie back to his home. Jessie learns that the buried child was a black girl murdered after birth, leading her to believe that she needs to be saved. Jessie tries to do this by speaking to Jessabelle directly, but instead discovers another VHS tape on the coffee table which shows a recording of Jessie’s mother cursing a white baby and shooting herself.

“Goin’ down d’bayou, Goin’ down d’bayou!”

Her mother’s spirit then appears to her and reveals that the unwanted presence is Jessie herself (not Jessabelle, OMG #plottwist!) Turns out ol’ Mrs Jessie had had a sordid affair with Moses and, in a fit of rage, Jessie’s father had discovered this and killed the baby and moses using Jessie as a cover-up. Moses’ spirit appears before Jessie and, working in tandem with the apparition of Jessie’s mother, they wheel her into the bayou where she sinks into it’s murky depths. Jessabelle is there too, and uses this opportunity to enter Jessie. The film is wrapped up with Jessie leaving the bayou in Preston’s arms and, as the police sheriff asks if Jessie is alright, her contorted face turns to answer him and splutters a final corny line – “It’s Jessabelle”. Cue credits.

A complement sandwich

OK enough synopsis talk, let’s tell you what we thought about this film. Ever heard of the ‘compliment’ sandwich‘? We’ll start off with the good, talk about the areas that need improvement, and finish on a positive note.

The acting is pretty decent all-around from start to finish, but it’s Sarah Snook’s character that stands head and shoulders from the rest of the cast. We have to be honest, before watching the film we didn’t know who she was, but I thought she played the leading role pretty well. As we both lazily slunk into bed after a hard day’s work, I asked Laura for her thoughts on this. “I just thought she was rubbish”, she told me, “a bit like a poor man’s Emma Stone”.

Difference of opinions aside, our main gripe is that her performance is shrouded by an incredibly busy storyline. We’ve barely covered the film’s synopsis earlier in this post – A LOT happens in the film’s hour and a half duration. It has it’s little moments and some interesting themes are presented to the viewer but, due to the sheer volume of these ideas hastily weaved into the script, none of them are really explored to their full potential. It makes the film very fast paced and, like the London Underground’s Central Line during peak time in Zone 1, far too much is packed into a small space.

The story comes with it’s share of unanswered questions and unusual scenarios which make no sense and lend nothing to an already muddled plot. Notable examples include:

• Preston’s wife being absolutely fine with his ex-partner sleeping in their marital home. Laura and I aren’t married (well…not just yet), but if she brought her ex-boyfriend back and said “Hey babe, you remember my ex right? Do you mind if he sleeps on the couch as I don’t want him to be alone?” Personally, I’d respond by grabbing the guy by the scruff of his neck and comically throwing him out the door and onto his backside.
• Mr and Mrs Jessie obtaining a white baby so soon after Mr Jessie murders the first child? Last time I checked, you couldn’t naturally create a new child with such a quick turnaround. Either they have stolen one from another family at this point, or they have convenient access to some-sort of artificial baby-making factory. “Quick, grab any one off the ‘finished product’ conveyor belt and let’s crack on with this voodoo magic tomfoolery.”
• The physiotherapist who decides it’s a brilliant idea to leave a paralysed woman in a bathtub on her own. “Here you go, Jessie. I ran you a bath! Just in case you get hungry I’ve popped some bread in the toaster and perched it on the edge of the bath just by the taps, there’s a hairdryer plugged in too so you can dry your hair before you get out of the water, and I’m going to switch the lights off on my way out so you can save on your energy bill. See you in 6 hours!”
• We acknowledge that Jessie’s mobility is affected due to her accident, but what exactly is stopping her from leaving the house at any time? She isn’t completely housebound, she hasn’t been locked in against her will, she’s old enough to make her own decisions, and there’s certainly no point in her staying there when her dad pops his clogs. “Just discovered the house is haunted and I’m really lonely and miserable here, regardless of this I will never leave”
• Coincidences. Lots and lots of coincidences, which only serve as a half-assed attempt to patch up holes and crudely tie up loose ends. Examples of these include Preston randomly showing up at her father’s funeral despite him not being made aware of the location/date/time of the event (let alone the fact that Jessie’s father is now dead), Jessie and Preston discovering Moses’ little burial plot on their way to see him (“Let’s go see Moses. Wait, stop everything – he’s buried over there.”), and a group of men showing up from nowhere to beat Preston senseless when they visit the aforementioned burial site

On a positive note – the deep-south Louisiana scenes serve as a lovely visual backdrop throughout the film. The camera work captures these chilling images with good detail, particularly with the bayou’s haunting mist contrasting with the rich summer colours from the surrounding trees and foliage. The scenery effectively adds to the sense of mystery and complements Jessie’s discomforting loneliness and isolation from society.

So, overall, Jessabelle is a mixed bag of pros and cons. To summarise, it’s a run of the mill supernatural horror which has it’s little sparkles of interest but suffers badly due to the plot being like a Rube Goldberg machine. Casual horror fans might enjoy it but, for the connoisseurs among us, there’s much better out there.

The Lampy-metre

Novices might be hit harder with post-scare insomnia from the jumpy appearances of Jessabelle in spirit form (add an extra 3 to the below score if you don’t watch a lot of horror), but we’re immune to this basic tactic now! Apart from a 3am visit to answer nature’s call, we slept like babies.

Why Kubrick’s The Shining Can’t Be Beaten

Ok, so we’re biased. We would be the first to admit it. Even Stephen King has said he is not the biggest fan of the film, because it strayed too far from the plot in the novel. That is the glory of Kubrick’s version though – the film is a whole new glorious creation. It is incredible. Tense, scary and brilliant. It is arguably the finest performance in Jack Nicholson’s career, and a good effort from Shelley Duvall and teeny tiny baby Danny Lloyd.

Just look at those eyebrows. Quiver.

Kubrick would have Nicholson perform each scene multiple times. One take would be angry, one would be calm, one would be crazy. Kubrick would then sit through and decide which portrayal perfectly captured the right tone for the film. So, props to Nicholson for repeatedly acting and entirely adapting each scene over and over again, and also props to Kubrick for knowing which exact mood would add just the right amount of drama to each scene.

It’s scary enough purely on its own – Kubrick used only one special effect (the maze sequence). If you think about modern (2000+) horror films, they are entirely packed with special effects. Budget-depending, some are obviously very effective whereas some are god awful. The Shining relies entirely on the acting from the cast, and although there could have been lots more special effects, it really doesn’t need them.

Duvall just plays the perfect simpering, whiny wife to complement Nicholson. With her big cow-eyes and frankly awful wardrobe choices, she is undeniably annoying. However, in this film (and this film only) it works. As Torrance becomes increasingly mad, she remains consistently annoying and helpless. Also, the scene between Duvall, Nicholson and the baseball bat took 127 takes, which I think was a record at the time.

Nicholson improvised the oh-so famous line… Here’s Johnny! It was from the Tonight show with Johnny Carson, and was just randomly spouted by Nicholson. Awesome. I think that is one of the most quoted film quotes ever. If I ever mention The Shining, people always shout that at me, which I enjoy. Nicholson improvised a lot of his scenes, and Kubrick and himself worked together to further develop Torrance’s character. Also, this clip of Nicholson warming up is amazing.

Danny is creepy. He has a very expressive face, and is incredibly good at acting for a wee one. Apparently real-life Danny had no idea that he was filming a horror film. He just thought it was a drama about a family in a hotel, which is pretty impressive considering how creepy some of the scenes are.

It remains the only horror film that I can watch over and over again and still find something new to appreciate. Whether you focus on another element, or a particular character, the film continues to deliver dramatic scenes.

You know you love The Shining too…

American Mary – Review

American Mary is a 2012 Canadian slasher flick from identical twin directors Jen & Sylvia Soska, who you may recognise as the directing team behind the bluntly titled “Dead Hooker in a trunk“. On a cosy Friday night, Laura and I were browsing through the recent releases section of Sky Movies, shovelling chilli into our mouths, when we came across this film. The synopsis piqued our interest, and we decided to give it a go.

The story begins with Mary Mason (played by Katharine Isabelle), a daydreaming medical student who’s going through a rough financial patch (we’ve all been there!) With the student loans company and her phone provider constantly on her back, she decides to become a stripper to raise some funds. The interview takes an unexpected turn, however, when sleazy strip-club owner Billy Barker (Antonio Cupo), takes her to a basement room downstairs to a tortured man. Amongst some slightly choppy dialogue, Billy essentially says “Mary, you’re a surgeon right? Fix up this man and you can have $5000”. Mary reluctantly accepts his offer and gets to work.

It turns out that Mary did a very good job on this man, and word starts to spread of her surgical skills. The next day she’s approached by a woman who calls herself “Beatrice” (Tristan Risk), and it transpires later in the film that she’s a chief figure in the Body Mod community. Beatrice models herself on Betty Boop. When seeing her for the first time, we almost spat out our chilli across the room in shock. Her appearance in the film is nothing short of discomforting. Surely this can’t just be the work of good makeup, can it? Whatever it is, it’s super effective. Good work!

“Boop boop a doop!”

After Mary transforms Ruby (Beatrice’s client) into a real-life doll by removing her nipples and sewing up her vagina, Beatrice decides to show up unannounced at Mary’s hospital (where she’s training to become a surgeon) and congratulates her on a job well done. Lecturer Dr. Walsh (Clay St. Thomas) oversees this exchange, and decides to invite her to a house party that’s taking place “for surgeons only”. Despite billions of alarm bells ringing at this point, Mary accepts.

Scantily clad and dressed to impress, Mary attends at the party and is greeted by a psychopathic Dr. Black, a calm Dr. Walsh and a slimy Dr. Grant (David Lovgren) (who is another of Mary’s lecturers and one she doesn’t have a good relationship with). Things take a really awful turn, when it transpires that Mary’s drink (which she is offered as she walks through the door) is spiked. Dr. Grant drags an unconscious and barely awake Mary to a back room where he brutally rapes her. Combined with the dark-red low level room lighting and dissonant droning tones in the background, the way this is presented in the film is incredibly stark and uncomfortable to watch.  We’ll probably put this part of the film on the ‘Scene’s that will haunt us forever’ list, residing right next to the rape scene in ‘I Spit on your Grave‘, which is equally dreadful.

The rest of the film really peters out from this point onwards. It’s almost like the directors said, “Right, good job so far. Let’s leave it for now and go get pissed!” then woke up a few hours before it was due to be filmed. “OK, we’ve got the completed script ready to go?” “No boss, we still have another 1 hour to fill”. “Oh. Right Jen get some Red Bull and let’s blitz this fucker…” The rushed story writing really shows and completely dampens the experience.

Simply put, Mary’s profile in the ‘underground surgeon’ and body modification circuit continues to grow, the slimy Dr. Grant becomes Mary’s ‘experiment’ and he is transformed into a human teddy bear strung up by his skin (justice is served), Mary gains a few new clients (including Jen & Sylvia Soska who make an appearance as a pair of wannabe siamese twins with GOD AWFUL German/Russian accents), Mary’s antics catch the interest of Detective Dolor, Mary’s nan dies, Beatrice is killed, Ruby’s husband (angered at her transformation) stabs Mary whilst the cops bust her, and the film ends with Mary trying to sew her stab wound back together. Yep – that’s it. Fin. So, let’s talk less about what the film is about, and give you some insight of what we thought.

“What are you smiling at?!”

Essentially, American Mary is like a really good opportunity which is completely missed. It’s the film equivalent of going to the best burger restaurant in town and ordering a salad.

The film does have it’s good points:

• It serves it’s purpose as a gross-out slasher flick with gruesome scenes which will stick around with you for a little while. (If you’re at all squeamish, you might want to give this a miss and watch Finding Nemo or something instead.)
• Katharine Isabelle is a decent actress, and she plays the strong female protagonist fairly well with good insight into her character
• The dark, grimy scenes complement the film’s genre well and the camera work is pretty solid

Sadly though, it’s outweighed by these negatives:

• A lot of the acting is pretty dreadful. We’d like to take this opportunity to highlight two extreme cases, one from the Soska sisters and the other from the diabolically bad John Emmet Tracy, who plays Detective Dolar. The Soska sisters speak in this confused mix-bag of an accent which doesn’t quite know if it’s Russian or German, and we’re pretty sure that John Emmet Tracy was actually, at one point, a robot. His line delivery is incredibly monotone, his acting skills are more wooden than Pinocchio and he generally just seems disinterested during the film.
• As mentioned earlier, the storyboard really takes a turn for the worst after the graphic rape scene. Apart from Mary getting her sweet revenge at Dr. Grant, nothing really stood out for us during the rest of the film. There are plot-holes aplenty (why is Mary still a stripper when she’s earning big bucks? Perhaps she just loves it), a lot of the narrative and thematic ideas portrayed at the start of the film remain undeveloped, and the dialogue flows sloppily from one scene to the next with no real gusto or effort. Just refer to the Red Bull exchange earlier in this post, I think that sums it up best.
• The music is pretty damn bad – think of extremely dated 90s industrial german metal sung by a budget Placebo. “I love you…I hate you…I love you”….
• Some of Mary’s outfits are very unnecessary. We understand that the film has dark and erotica-industrial themes, but Mary is virtually naked throughout the entire film (even when she’s in theatre). Don’t get me wrong, she’s quite an attractive actress, but her costumes just give the film a bit of a ‘male fantasy’ image which doesn’t quite fit in. It’s quite like the film doesn’t know whether it wants to be a thriller, a slasher, a horror, or a porno.

 

In short, for fans of the horror/slasher genre then this film is a decent enough watch for the first half. If it’s a gripping plot and great story writing you’re after though, then look elsewhere as American Mary is a bit of a damp squib in that department.

 

The Lampy-Metre

The Lampy-Metre? What’s this about? I’m confused?! Fear not, fellow horror fan – check out our About page for some more info behind our unique and wonderful film rating system.

 

Ouija – Review

Take one Ouija board, add five teenagers, a mental patient and some tried ‘n’ tested horror film tactics. The end result? The appropriately titled “Ouija”, one of 2014’s Hollywood blockbuster horrors directed by Stiles White, who is better known for his special effects work on The Sixth Sense. To summarise, the film is like a roller coaster ride. You sit yourself down prepared for thrills and shocks, and it delivers. Afterwards, you get off the ride and that’s it – fin. There’s no point going on the ride again, as you know what’s coming…

Basically, the plot is entirely predictable. The film opens with Debbie (played by Shelly Henig) committing suicide using some fairy lights, leaving behind five grieving friends and lots of unanswered questions. The best friend, Laine (played by Olivia Cooke), drags her friends into Debbie’s house and coerces them into playing with the Ouija board (which Laine had found amongst Debbie’s possessions).

(Disclaimer: there is no innocent baby Sylvester in this film)

The board is down and the five courageous teens hold the planchette. Cue the inevitable “Who’s moving it, is it you?” “Don’t look at me! She did it!” etc. etc. Eventually, enough happens so that everyone believes that Debbie is communicating with them. “Hi Friend!” 

Wait for it though – the spirit isn’t Debbie but is in-fact the mysterious ‘DZ’. Looking through the planchette, Laine sees a little girl ghost (the worst kind) with her lips sewn together, and an angry mama ghost. After unleashing the beast within, the friends begin to be killed one by one. Run of the mill deaths here include… a nasty wang to the head, more lip-sewing and a push into the pool. Laine uncovers some information, and as luck would have it, the sister of the dead ghost girl lives 5 minutes away in a mental asylum. The older woman (who is also in Insidious – horror buff?) tells Laine to unstitch DZ’s lips, allowing her to defeat ‘mother’, the evil matriarch.

“KIDS, GO TO YOUR ROOM!” – Mother

In a slightly different twist, the old crazy woman had spun a lie for her own benefit, and it turns out that DZ was actually the evil one. Poor mum. DZ continues to wreak havoc, and the film begins to get a little stale. Nothing original, and eventually only Laine and her sister are left. Things are looking bleak for the sisters, but then angel Debbie comes and saves the day. DZ is defeated, although the film ends on a note of ambiguity – the planchette is still there in Laine’s room, and the film closes with our protagonist looking through it. Had she learnt nothing?

The film is nothing new – there is nothing particularly unique about it. Although the jumpy scenes are very well done and certainly had the desired affect on us, the plot was weak and the acting erred on the side of wooden. This is definitely one to watch in the cinema, because that is where you will get the full effect. Don’t bother buying it on DVD/watching it on your laptop – take away the jumps and you are left with a lifeless, plot-holed waste of 90 minutes.

The Lampy-Metre

Just in case you’re new here, each film we review is rated with Lampy’s. Sometimes your imagination can run wild after watching a good horror; your mind will play tricks, you might be scared, you may imagine that zombie-vampire-monsters are patiently waiting at foot of your cosy bed ready to snatch you away. In these circumstances, Lampy’s dazzling halo of light will send them running for the hills and far away. The more terror you experience, the more Lampy’s you’ll need to sleep well.

Needless to say that, after this film, Laura and I had a wonderful night’s sleep in the pitch black darkness – dreaming of candy raindrops, fields full of colourful daisies and unicorns barfing rainbows. No scares here!

John Carpenter’s Halloween – Review

It’s the 31st October, happy Halloween everybody!

Whether you’re out on the town dressed like a promiscuous witch, admiring your young child as he/she/it knocks from door to door prompting strangers to fill a bucket with goodies, or carving up a pumpkin into a variety of creative designs – have a spooktastic night!

So what are we doing? Oh, you know, curled up in bed nice and warm watching a good film. Yep, that’s our plan! Our choice of film? None other than John Carpenter’s appropriately titled classic, Halloween. Without further ado, here’s what we thought of it:

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The film begins on the night of Halloween, 1963 in the sleepy town of Haddonfield, Illinois. A young Judith Myers (played by Sandy Johnson) has whisked her boyfriend back to her home for a night of unbridled passion. Creeping nearby is a dark presence, skulking around by the windows and observing the couple inside. As Judith and her partner take things to the next level upstairs, the mysterious figure also chooses to take things to the next level – by snatching a knife from the kitchen drawer.  Confronted by a nude Judith, we find out that our mysterious figure is a young Michael Myers and, before Judith can kick Michael out of her room, he stabs her to death.

15 years pass, and Dr Sam Loomis (played by Donald Pleasance) attend at the sanitarium to take an institutionalised and dangerous Michael Myers to a court hearing. It isn’t long though until Sam discovers that Michael has broken free, carjacked them and sped off into the distance. The evil has escaped and is on the loose! This is not a drill, people!

The remainder of the film mostly revolves around Laurie, Linda and Annie – three student friends who love nothing more than boys, weed and massive bell-bottom jeans. Whilst discussing their Halloween night plans, Michael Myers observes from a distance, and we have to say that having Michael pop up occasionally in the background was pretty chilling to watch, particularly when he is in the middle of the clothes line at Laurie’s house and when you just catch a glimpse of his iconic face in the shadows! Mr Carpenter shows all the imitators just how this classic Horror film trademark is done.

Both Annie and Laurie find themselves babysitting later that evening. Annie, bored of this plan, decides to see her boyfriend instead and cheekily ditches her child with Laurie. Whilst cooking up a bite to eat, she spills a little bit of it on herself which, for some unknown reason, makes her take off almost every single garment she’s wearing(?) (Laura and I love these little quirks in plotlines which don’t quite make sense; we have a good giggle and poke fun a la Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Anyway...) Annie puts these items in the washer and finds herself stuck in the laundry room. She’s not alone. Mike has locked her in there and is looming in the shadows. Two quick trips to her car later, and Mike’s in the back seat (this is one of Laura’s fears, which is understandable – pro tip: never get into an unlocked car before checking the back seat) strangling Annie and slitting her throat. We hear his creepy musical motif as a deceased Annie is carried back into the house.

So, who’s next? Uh oh. It’s Linda! She’s pissed, and has brought back her boyfriend for a night of drunken lust. Whilst the two make love under the watchful eye of a cheeky Jack-o-Lantern, Mike makes his way into the house. (Notice how nobody seems to lock their doors? Basic safety advice!) After intercourse lasting all of 10 seconds, the boyfriend saunters downstairs to get a drink but is soon confronted with Mike – who strangles him, raises him up and plops a knife straight into his chest. Miraculously, the boyfriend stays hung in mid air. I asked Laura, “how do you reckon he’d stay there?” to which she responded “He probably used a sword that time”. Linda is then killed, but not before alerting Laurie – Laurie investigates, discovers the trio of corpses, and things get really tense. Mike is killed – oh, wait he’s alive – three times, and eventually disappears… Duh duh duh.

“Nothing gets me going more than having sexytime while a Jack-o-Lantern watches!” – Linda

 

If you think about how innovative this film is, then it’s worth based solely on how fresh the film was within the genre. Scary tactics that might appear overdone when compared with today’s films, but this film started the trend and carved the way for so so many countless films to follow. Quite a few years later, the film retains its creep factor which we think is highly impressive. Particularly impressive elements include the haunting music and ominous lurking from Mike.

 

Give it a watch – just maybe not alone?

 

 

The Lampy-metre

(the scale of how many lamps you will need on to sleep after watching)

Top 5 Films to Watch this Halloween

If you don’t want to out in fancy dress, or answer the door to trick-or-treaters, we understand. We get it. We can think of nothing better than having a big bowl of popcorn and watching a scary film in the dark! We’ve edited together our top 5 picks to make sure you’ll enjoy the scare this Halloween…

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This film really scared us when we first saw it. Ethan Hawke is very good, and this film delivers jumps, real scares and a decent plot too. We felt distinctly creeped out walking home from the cinema after seeing this, which is really what you want from a horror movie…

Not a scary scary film, but a firm favourite. Who can resist Jack the pumpkin king? We find Oogie boogie very creepy, as well as Sally’s professor… If you want something less scary this year, this cult cartoon is worth a watch. A Tim Burton night with the corpse bride as well sounds pretty good! OK, altogether now…”This is Halloween, this is Halloween…”

Shockingly, we prefer the remake to the classic. That doesn’t happen very often, but we find the remake to be just that tad more effective at creeping you out. The famous story of the haunted house… it doesn’t get much more halloween-y than Amityville horror!

A classic, and one not to be overlooked. We will be reviewing this in full on Friday, so please check back then!

The book of this is the creepiest book Laura has ever read. She still gets freaked out by it, because it’s just that awful. If you want to devour an entire book (along with devouring all of the sweets this halloween), you can’t go wrong with this. The film adaptation is pleasingly accurate, and sure to put you on edge.

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We’d love to know what your plans are this halloween – We are going to check out Ouija, and pop up a review this weekend!