#ForeignFilmFriday: ‘A l’intérieur’ (Inside) – Review

 

It’s your classic baby rom-com, a baby is on the way. Yayyy! Congratulations! Oh…one tiny thing, though. Instead of a stork delivering the baby, it’s an incredibly scary Frenchwoman who literally cuts the baby out of you after turning your house into a Tarantino-esque bloodbath. Standard “what to expect when expecting” material, really.

We can’t stress highly enough that this film is unsuitable for those who are pregnant. Unless you’re a masochistic mum-to-be this film is one to avoid, better to stick Juno on instead. It’s probably not a film to add to your collection if you’re particularly squeamish in general, as it really leaves nothing to the imagination.

Although, here at It’s Under The Bed, we take a ‘the-gorier-the-better’ philosophy, so French horror film À l’intérieur from Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury was a welcome addition to our Friday night line up.

 

Sarah, played by Alysson Paradis, opens the film after we discover that her husband (and expectant father) had been killed in a car crash that Sarah and the baby managed to survive. We see Sarah as an alienated character, and one who is so aloof, cold and… French. She is massively, massively pregnant and adamant at being alone at home, having an induction planned for the next day. Whilst home alone, things begin to pick up with the introduction of the oh-so chilling Beatrice Dalle, who proceeds to lurk around in her black witchy clothes causing all sorts of mayhem. There are no other words to describe Dalle’s performance… she is utterly horrifying. Sarah, being a photographer, manages to take some haunting photos of the unknown intruder which perfectly capture how mad Dalle’s character looks. Flash photography is one of those brilliant things that is seldom used in films – flashes add the perfect amount of confusion without being too annoying, and dark rooms are quite sinister anyway.

We digress… Sarah decided that she had better get some rest, and the next scene is the intruder sitting over the sleeping Mum and bump, before she oh-so casually stabs Sarah in the stomach. With giant scissors. Yeah…as subtle as a sledgehammer.

Where are the safety scissors when you need them?

Rule one of being pregnant -apart from avoiding sushi- is to not be stabbed in the stomach. The gore starts to increase, and Sarah somehow manages to lock herself in the pristine (for now) bathroom. The pregnancy is such a good device – the audience feels protective over Sarah, and Maury and Bustillo have perfectly captured her vulnerability. One of the most striking chords in this film is that such sympathy is created for Sarah. In paranormal films, one is always conscious of the absurd, but in a film like this it uses the defenceless nature of the lead to almost mirror a sense of weakness within the audience… the film is not outside the realms of reality, which in my opinion makes it far more terrifying to watch that your run-of-the-mill supernatural flick.

Two visitors arrive at the house (don’t worry, they aren’t here for long). Sarah’s photographer boss is swiftly killed by the witchy intruder, and then in an awful twist, Sarah’s Mother is killed by Sarah (trigger-happy with fear… understandable). Police also arrive, but (wait for it) they are also killed by the witchy intruder. Things get brutal, with Sarah and the witchy intruder delivering some strong blows to each other with various kitchen appliances. Witchy intruder gets set on fire, and half of her face melts off. Dramatic stuff.

In a clever turn of events however, the directors then proceed to switch the entire nature in which we perceive the two women… Witchy intruder reveals that she had been pregnant when Sarah had crashed into her car. Whoah, major plot twist. Witchy intruder instantly becomes less of a random sociopath and almost a… victim? We really enjoy characters who are developed within a film or a book. A flat character with no back-story and personality traits is just about acceptable in a horror movie as they are not normally pivotal to the main storyline, but someone who’s character is fully developed is far more enjoyable and engaging for the audience. Immediately, the film becomes more akin to a revenge story. Subverting genres. I like.

The crescendo of the film ends with Sarah going into labour. Understandable, considering the shitty night she’s had. Her vulnerability is re-kindled and Witchy Intruder-Victim becomes a sort of mother and soothes Sarah, that is until she literally cuts the baby out of her. Mmhmm, Mother of the year award.

Achievement unlocked: EXTREME CAESARIAN

 

So all in all, the film is a semi-realistic vengeance-squeamish-french-gore-athon. An utter delight for us and hardcore horror fans alike. It is creepy, and has scenes that make you wince and squirm. If a film is powerful enough to evoke these emotions in a viewer, then its a surefire winner in our book. The take home message for this review? WARNING! Not for the faint hearted! 🙂

 

The Lampy-metre

The lampy’s are strong with this one, folks. Sensitive viewers who decide to take the plunge with this film might want to combine all of their lampy’s together into a kind of ‘mega-lampy’ before going to sleep. Oh, and just because we’re feeling extra generous, help yourself to a nice big dose of mind bleach if you need it!

Pet Sematary – Review

Hello horror fans, today we’ll be discussing and reviewing the 1989 film adaptation of Stephen King’s classic ‘Pet Sematary’.

So let me just say that, as far as the book is concerned, it’s one of Mr King’s best works alongside Misery and The Shining. (We both adore The Shining, and this is clearly evident from this post we made not so long ago!) For those who also enjoy his novels, I’m sure you’ll agree that the way he sets and describes each scene is impeccable. It leaves us captivated, thoroughly immersed in the moment and hanging onto every word. So, when it comes to a novel’s transition to the big screen, the bar is set extremely high and there is no room for any amateurism.

Luckily, for Pet Sematary, it’s film adaptation (directed by Mary Lambert) is enjoyable, offers good attention to detail from the book, and is topped off with a solid cast. The plot is explained below and, as it evolves and changes throughout the book/film, I’ll intersperse the synopsis with my opinions, thoughts and critique. Are we sitting comfortably? Let’s begin:

Louis Creed (played by Dale Midkiff), his wife Rachel (Denise Crosby), their children Ellie (Blaze Berdahl) and Gage (Miko Hughes) and pet cat Church (Winston Churchill) have moved to the sleepy town of Ludlow from bustling Chicago. Their new home sits on the edge of a busy highway, a major route for the Orinco trucks to transport their goods all over the state. When moving in they are soon introduced to their elderly neighbours Jud Crandall (Fred Gwynne) and his wife Norma (who is exempt from the film adaptation).

We are given a bit of an insight into the daily lives of the Creed family and Louis and Jud become close friends, but Jud puts their friendship in jeopardy when he takes the family down a windy path near their home leading to the ‘Pet Sematary’, a place where the children of Ludlow bury their deceased animals (who had previously been killed by vehicles on the busy stretch of road).

(“Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but we’re going to a graveyard, so bring your baby”.)

After the visit, Ellie is distressed and becomes increasingly worried about Church (leading to Rachel and Louis having a colossal argument over the subject), and Louis deals with a major casualty victim on the university campus – Victor Pascow (Brad Greenquist) – who speaks to Louis about the Pet Sematary before passing away.

Let me just say at this point that, when we are introduced to each character in the film, it is made completely clear that this film was made in the 80s. This isn’t a bad thing! I had a good chuckle at Rachel’s ‘Jonny Bravo’ haircut, Ellie’s super-sized glasses and Victor’s skimpy taste in clothing (as you can see below). Hey, it’s sometimes said that fashion trends can repeat themselves, so we could be in a situation where maroon cycling shorts are flying off the shelves in Topman at £40 a piece. Who’s that fellow hanging out amongst a load of trendy Camden kids? Why, it’s hipster Victor Pascow, right on cue, saying he was wearing those shorts before they were cool…

“Who wears short shorts?”

Louis is haunted by dreams involving Victor, not because of those shorts, but because of his warning about the Pet Sematary. The dream sequence involving Louis and Victor is well executed. Without the technological advancements of modern day Hollywood special effects, there is much more focus on the surrounding scenery and it’s complimentary music score – and that’s what makes the sequence engaging to watch. Mary provides a haunting atmosphere complete with hazy low-level mist, dissonant drones, crashing metallic thuds, juddering strings and cawing crows/hooting owls. “This is the place where the dead speak … Do NOT go on to the place where the dead walk!” Louis waking up with his feet covered in pine needles and muck is the icing on the cake here – the delivery of this twist isn’t too full blown, but packs a solid punch to round everything off.

Whilst the whole family (sans Louis) are in Chicago seeing Rachel’s parents, Church is involved in an unfortunate car accident leading to his death. Accompanied by Jud, he and Louis bag him up and walk to the Pet Sematary to bury him. However, Jud tells Louis to keep walking. Guiding him through a twisted path accompanied by tangled brambles and haunting screams from the “Loons”, he is taken to an ancient Micmac burial ground situated on-top of a mesa. Louis grabs his shovel, does the deed and, after returning home, Jud reveals that the trip must remain a secret.

A recurring quote in this film (first introduced at this point) is “The soil of a man’s heart is stonier; a man grows what he can and tends it.” I guess you can interpret this quote in a number of ways, but here’s a straight-forward no-frills version – “Louis, don’t bury animals or people in the Micmac ground. They’ll come back as zombies and it will be bloody awful”. (Not sure why Jud didn’t just say this instead of beating around the bush!)

So on this note, Church comes back to life and returns home. My word, I don’t like to admit this but Church’s half-dead appearance really caught me off-guard. I’m mostly immune to shock tactics and the trademark horror jumps, but when zombie Church appeared out of nowhere, I almost shat my pants. I think this works because it’s completely unexpected – usually with this horror cliche there is some-sort of build up (e.g. man wanders through empty haunted house and ghost slowly creeps up from behind) but, in this case, Louis is idly sorting out some items in his garage one moment and the next we are faced with this demonic critter booming out a guttural howl.

“I hope that’s cottage pie in my trousers!”

The family return home from Chicago and, apart from Church smelling funky and having a hearty bloodlust for small creatures and birds, they don’t really catch on that Church isn’t quite himself. Louis knows the truth, and it’s eats him up inside quicker than when I demolish a large Domino’s Pizza (truly a sight to behold).

A tragic family event strikes the Creed family where Gage is run over by a passing Orinco truck. Putting the horror elements of this film to one side, this is the scene which has the most effect in the entire film – and for anyone else who’s watched it, I’m sure you’ll wholeheartedly agree. Rather than seeing Gage get splattered in a smorgasbord of guts and motor parts, Mary takes a much more subtle approach by leaving the actual accident to the viewer’s imagination. One minute Gage is standing in the road trying to grip onto a kite, the next you see the kite just float away into the sky and one of Gage’s shoes (slightly smeared with blood) tumble down the road. Distressing to watch but cleverly done without any unnecessary blood and gore.

Gage’s death tears the family apart, and a jaded Louis can only see one way to fix it. After Gage’s funeral, he goes undercover to dig up his decaying body from the regular cemetery, so that it can be transferred into the Micmac burial ground. An unthinkable act translated to the big screen with gusto from start to finish, culminating with a great shot from inside the padded coffin where the lid is slowly lifted revealing Louis’ expression – a tempestuous mix of regret and determination to get the job done.

OK, so no surprises on what happens next! A rotting child’s hand fondles it’s way through the cairn on the mesa, and zombie Gage breaks free limping his way back to the Creed household. He’s not an angelic little boy anymore; what the viewer witnesses is a sinister and haunting devil-child fixated with murder. Here Mary uses the tried and tested build-suspense-then-deliver tactic but to surprisingly good effect, starting with Jud walking through his own home brandishing a weapon and ending with Gage tearing flesh from his throat leaving Jud face up in a pool of his own blood. Gage’s quest for annihilation is brought to a stop by Louis, but not before Gage brutally kills his wife. “Oh no, my sweet wife is dead! Wait…I know just what to do!”

The final part of the book/film translated into an outdated meme. Yes, ok, I need to get a life.

The film draws to a close with zombie Rachel returning to the Creed home – “Darrrrrling”, the undead figure purrs softly in Louis’ ear. The book ends right at this point (which I personally preferred), but the cameras stay rolling for a bit longer while a delusional Louis and zombie Rachel have a kiss and cuddle. The End.

So, there you have it. The film is by no means visual and storytelling perfection, but it’s solid evidence that you don’t need a bucketload of effects and Hollywood dazzle to captivate a viewer. The acting is rather impressive (honourable mention goes to Dale Midkiff as Louis), and overall it’s a great adaption (in comparison to the book there are some bits trimmed out but they aren’t particularly pivotal to the story anyway.)

Read the book if you haven’t done so first, then give the film a go – you won’t regret it. Viewers more susceptible to fright, peril, blood or a combination of the three may want to watch it with a buddy and perhaps put some Lampy’s on first! Enjoy!

 

The Lampy-metre

The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death – Review

Hello Horror fans, Chris reporting in here wishing you all a very happy new year! Sorry for the lack of activity on the blog as of late, we have both been super-duper busy throughout December. Hope you had a fantastic Christmas and got what you expected from Santa!

To ring in the new year, Laura and I thought it seemed right to watch and review the first Horror film to be released in 2015 – The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death. You might be familiar with the tagline which prominently features on all of its promotional posters – “She never forgives. She never forgets. She never left”. WELL horror fans, I think we can relate to the fabled woman in black – we will never forgive this shoddy sequel, we will never forget how lame it was, but we wished we’d left the cinema sooner! “What’s got your knickers in a twist about this film”, I hear you cry? Pop the kettle on, get comfy and read on…

For those not familiar with the storyline behind The Woman in Black series – it’s based around “Eel Marsh House“, a dilapidated manor set on the outskirts of the hamlet of Crythin Gifford. The building is connected by a windy stretch of road going through a marshy floodplain and, when the tide is high, the house is completely cut-off from the village. Apart from the fact that it’s a bit of a wreck, what makes this house spooky is that it’s haunted by the vindictive spirit of a woman dressed in black. After losing her son in the marsh pit surrounding the manor, she is hellbent on revenge against anyone who disturbs her.

“This is NOTHING like the brochure – send me back to blitzed London post-haste!”

So, with this in mind, let’s turn the clock forward 40 years to frenetic WWII London. A group of orphaned children, along with two teachers/caretakers Eve Parkins (Phoebe Fox) and Jean Hogg (Helen McRory), are forced to relocate to the desolate British countryside. With nowhere else to go, they are all rehoused in the crumbling hovel that is Eel Marsh House. Amongst the thick grey fog, turbulent skies and dense undergrowth, Eel Marsh House looks the part. If there’s one single positive thing I can say about this film, it’s the scenery. When they enter the abandoned building, it’s character inside is exactly what you’d expect. Dingy wallpaper barely clings to the wall, candle lights flicker away listlessly, and everything is coated in a thick layer of dust.

Straight from the first night, the house begins to deliver some unexpected surprises. However, most of the action is focused in two places – the remains of what used to be a playroom upstairs (complete with skull-crushed dolls, a suspicious looking straw hat (?!!) and some dubious looking toys (see below photo)) and the cellar downstairs (which mostly contains a load of tat and memorabilia belonging to the late Mrs Drablow). As far as the children are concerned, the main focus is on Edward (Oaklee Pendergast), who stumbles upon the playroom during a game of hide ‘n’ seek and communicates with the spirit, leaving the room with a toy sailor that he carries around. From hereon-in, the children in Eve and Jean’s care begin to be killed off one by one and, as a result of an investigation conducted by Eve and the suave ex-war pilot Harry Burnstow (Jeremy Irvine), it’s revealed that their deaths are eventually linked to The Woman in Black.

“SO MUCH NOPE!!”

On paper (well, on screen) the plot sounds decent enough but, my word, director Tom Harper‘s translation of this onto the big screen is completely boring and dire. The clunky acting, vastly prolonged scenes and uninspiring story drags this film kicking and screaming its way through its 98 minute duration like a spoilt child who’s just been refused candy.

The film is relentlessly padded out to cover its shoe-string plot. This is mostly done through pointless sub-stories and characters that lend nothing to the crux of the story and only serve to stretch out the film further.

Notable examples of this include recurring flashbacks to Eve’s past where she is a single mother giving birth to a child that is consequentially taken away from her (single mothers giving birth back then was a bit of a naughty no-no), a paint-by-numbers attraction scene between Eve and Harry where they cop off like high-school sweethearts whilst the kids are left unattended on an airport during WWII (well done Eve, your ‘caretaker of the year’ award is in the post), and some more flashbacks from Harry where he talks about the time he left his crew for dead in a sinking ship. I guess that Mr Harper is doing this to try and give these characters a bit of a back-story, but it would’ve had more effect if their back-stories actually influenced and drove the main storyline forward.

“Ah, I knew I’d applied too much foundation today”

What about the jumpy bits? Yes, it had a few but they are recycled and sporadic in nature. The only real jump I had in the film was something seemingly innocent, when one of the kids is joshing about with Edward by putting on a gasmask. This works because it’s unexpected and catches me off-guard. The other scares in this film follow the tired cookie-cutter formula that you see in the majority of ‘Hollywood horror’ – build suspense (get the viewer ready for a scare) then deliver it. The technique is blatantly rinsed to death throughout the entire film, leaving even horror novices glued to their chairs as they can clearly see when the scares are coming. The attempted-frights become a little more frequent and culminate towards the end when the spirit finally lets rip and tries to take Edward’s life, but it’s sporadicalness leaves a gaping void in the middle where literally nothing happens and I’d felt like I’d taken valium.

Put it this way folks, I recently had to buy two sets of RCA oxygen-free phono leads and a USB-to-lightening connector from Amazon – this virtual shopping list actually provided me with more excitement than watching “The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death”.

Hang on Mr Harper, I’m not done yet! Before leaving the cinema, I had to stand around while Laura quickly visited the “whiz palace”. I’d say that the vast majority of people who left the cinema shared exactly the same opinion as outlined above; a unanimous cry of “I almost fell asleep during that film” and “I was waiting for it to scare me but it didn’t”. Also, whilst idly feeding coins into the parking machine prior to driving home, Laura spotted a big gangly spider clinging onto the machine which gave her more of a fright.

TLDR version – the film sucks, avoid it like the plague. Phew!! OK, rant over.

Lampy-metre

A solid 1/10 here on the lampy-metre. Enough said…goodnight everybody!