Jessabelle – Review

 

 

Directed by Kevin Greutert (the man behind Saw VI, Saw 3D, and a directorial contributor to the cult film Donnie Darko), Jessabelle tells the story of a woman who returns to her childhood home and comes face-to-face with a distressed spirit who has been awaiting her return, and has no intention of letting her escape. Rotten Tomatoes awards it a stinky 25%, IMDB a measly 5.4/10, and AV Club a modest B-. It’s mixed feedback across the board. So, where exactly does Jessabelle sit on our film review radar? Is this a hair-raising horror or a boring blunder? Read on…

The film begins with our female protagonist, Jessie (played by Sarah Snook), who’s packing up and moving in with her boyfriend along with an unborn plus one. However, en-route to their new home, their futures are shattered when they’re involved in a high-speed side-on collision. Her boyfriend and unborn baby are killed in the crash, and Jessie is left temporarily paralysed. Despite Jessie having an aunt who she gets on perfectly well with, Jessie is “forced” to move back into her childhood home with her estranged father Leon (David Andrews). (Personally, if we were in this position, we’d probably just go and chill with the friendly aunt but, hey, where’s the film opportunity in that?)

When she moves in the supernatural presences and eerie goings on start taking place from the get-go, but things really start going downhill when she discovers and plays some old VHS tapes under the bed. There’s something we really like about the inclusion of VHS tapes in a horror film; the graininess and discolouration, the fuzzy snow static, the jumpy quality caused by poor tracking, oh, and nothing gives us the creeps more than an unlabelled one – who knows what’s been recorded on that? The worn VHS effect shines through nicely in the footage and generously adds to the sense of mystery surrounding the suspicious activity in the house.

The first tape she watches shows her dearly departed mother (Joelle Carter) giving her a good-natured ‘beyond-the-grave’ tarot reading which leads to her disclosing that an evil presence is in the house. Each recording provides a more accurate reading (stating that the presence is an evil demon), and the mother’s reactions to this evil spirit gradually begin to escalate with each tape. Leon catches Jessie watching these tapes, and eventually decides to set these (and accidentally himself) on fire. Safety first, kids! Don’t cover video tapes in gasoline and light a match immediately after.

Stop, drop ‘n’ roll! Stop, drop ‘n’ roll!

Fast forward to Leon’s funeral, and Jessie bumps into her old friend *cough ex boyfriend cough* Preston at the service (played by Marc Webber). Jessie and Preston have a catch-up over dinner, with Preston disclosing that he is married whilst the two stare longingly into each others eyes. Preston is unhappy about her being in the house on her own, and offers for her to stay the night with him and his wife. At one point Preston has Jessie in his arms and they engage in intense eye contact for an awkward 30+ seconds. Err…hang on! What happened to the story about the evil spirit that haunts Jessie? The impression that we both had at this point is that all elements of peril and horror take a distant backseat whilst the story focuses too heavily on the boring relationship between Preston and Jessie. This isn’t Eastenders, Kev. Nobody cares about this storyline!

With Preston becoming more and more involved in the mystery of Jessabelle, they both watch the tapes together (one of which is discovered hidden behind the house wall after a fight sequence with Jessie and spirit Jessabelle), and the storyline takes an interesting turn when both Jessie and Preston discover an ancient burial ground across the bayou. A tiny headstone with ‘Jessebelle’ crudely marked into it sits amongst an array of voodoo paraphernalia, and Preston digs up the grave to find the bones of a small child. The police become involved and take the bones away for examination. Apart from another discovery of a similar site used to bury ‘Moses’ (who previously told Jessie’s mother that Jessabelle was a demon), the voodoo magic themes are left very much unexplored. A shame really, as this could’ve given the story a slightly different edge instead of taking the cookie cutter ‘demonic spirit’ route.

Preston is eventually attacked by Jessabelle when he takes Jessie back to his home. Jessie learns that the buried child was a black girl murdered after birth, leading her to believe that she needs to be saved. Jessie tries to do this by speaking to Jessabelle directly, but instead discovers another VHS tape on the coffee table which shows a recording of Jessie’s mother cursing a white baby and shooting herself.

“Goin’ down d’bayou, Goin’ down d’bayou!”

Her mother’s spirit then appears to her and reveals that the unwanted presence is Jessie herself (not Jessabelle, OMG #plottwist!) Turns out ol’ Mrs Jessie had had a sordid affair with Moses and, in a fit of rage, Jessie’s father had discovered this and killed the baby and moses using Jessie as a cover-up. Moses’ spirit appears before Jessie and, working in tandem with the apparition of Jessie’s mother, they wheel her into the bayou where she sinks into it’s murky depths. Jessabelle is there too, and uses this opportunity to enter Jessie. The film is wrapped up with Jessie leaving the bayou in Preston’s arms and, as the police sheriff asks if Jessie is alright, her contorted face turns to answer him and splutters a final corny line – “It’s Jessabelle”. Cue credits.

A complement sandwich

OK enough synopsis talk, let’s tell you what we thought about this film. Ever heard of the ‘compliment’ sandwich‘? We’ll start off with the good, talk about the areas that need improvement, and finish on a positive note.

The acting is pretty decent all-around from start to finish, but it’s Sarah Snook’s character that stands head and shoulders from the rest of the cast. We have to be honest, before watching the film we didn’t know who she was, but I thought she played the leading role pretty well. As we both lazily slunk into bed after a hard day’s work, I asked Laura for her thoughts on this. “I just thought she was rubbish”, she told me, “a bit like a poor man’s Emma Stone”.

Difference of opinions aside, our main gripe is that her performance is shrouded by an incredibly busy storyline. We’ve barely covered the film’s synopsis earlier in this post – A LOT happens in the film’s hour and a half duration. It has it’s little moments and some interesting themes are presented to the viewer but, due to the sheer volume of these ideas hastily weaved into the script, none of them are really explored to their full potential. It makes the film very fast paced and, like the London Underground’s Central Line during peak time in Zone 1, far too much is packed into a small space.

The story comes with it’s share of unanswered questions and unusual scenarios which make no sense and lend nothing to an already muddled plot. Notable examples include:

• Preston’s wife being absolutely fine with his ex-partner sleeping in their marital home. Laura and I aren’t married (well…not just yet), but if she brought her ex-boyfriend back and said “Hey babe, you remember my ex right? Do you mind if he sleeps on the couch as I don’t want him to be alone?” Personally, I’d respond by grabbing the guy by the scruff of his neck and comically throwing him out the door and onto his backside.
• Mr and Mrs Jessie obtaining a white baby so soon after Mr Jessie murders the first child? Last time I checked, you couldn’t naturally create a new child with such a quick turnaround. Either they have stolen one from another family at this point, or they have convenient access to some-sort of artificial baby-making factory. “Quick, grab any one off the ‘finished product’ conveyor belt and let’s crack on with this voodoo magic tomfoolery.”
• The physiotherapist who decides it’s a brilliant idea to leave a paralysed woman in a bathtub on her own. “Here you go, Jessie. I ran you a bath! Just in case you get hungry I’ve popped some bread in the toaster and perched it on the edge of the bath just by the taps, there’s a hairdryer plugged in too so you can dry your hair before you get out of the water, and I’m going to switch the lights off on my way out so you can save on your energy bill. See you in 6 hours!”
• We acknowledge that Jessie’s mobility is affected due to her accident, but what exactly is stopping her from leaving the house at any time? She isn’t completely housebound, she hasn’t been locked in against her will, she’s old enough to make her own decisions, and there’s certainly no point in her staying there when her dad pops his clogs. “Just discovered the house is haunted and I’m really lonely and miserable here, regardless of this I will never leave”
• Coincidences. Lots and lots of coincidences, which only serve as a half-assed attempt to patch up holes and crudely tie up loose ends. Examples of these include Preston randomly showing up at her father’s funeral despite him not being made aware of the location/date/time of the event (let alone the fact that Jessie’s father is now dead), Jessie and Preston discovering Moses’ little burial plot on their way to see him (“Let’s go see Moses. Wait, stop everything – he’s buried over there.”), and a group of men showing up from nowhere to beat Preston senseless when they visit the aforementioned burial site

On a positive note – the deep-south Louisiana scenes serve as a lovely visual backdrop throughout the film. The camera work captures these chilling images with good detail, particularly with the bayou’s haunting mist contrasting with the rich summer colours from the surrounding trees and foliage. The scenery effectively adds to the sense of mystery and complements Jessie’s discomforting loneliness and isolation from society.

So, overall, Jessabelle is a mixed bag of pros and cons. To summarise, it’s a run of the mill supernatural horror which has it’s little sparkles of interest but suffers badly due to the plot being like a Rube Goldberg machine. Casual horror fans might enjoy it but, for the connoisseurs among us, there’s much better out there.

The Lampy-metre

Novices might be hit harder with post-scare insomnia from the jumpy appearances of Jessabelle in spirit form (add an extra 3 to the below score if you don’t watch a lot of horror), but we’re immune to this basic tactic now! Apart from a 3am visit to answer nature’s call, we slept like babies.

Why Kubrick’s The Shining Can’t Be Beaten

Ok, so we’re biased. We would be the first to admit it. Even Stephen King has said he is not the biggest fan of the film, because it strayed too far from the plot in the novel. That is the glory of Kubrick’s version though – the film is a whole new glorious creation. It is incredible. Tense, scary and brilliant. It is arguably the finest performance in Jack Nicholson’s career, and a good effort from Shelley Duvall and teeny tiny baby Danny Lloyd.

Just look at those eyebrows. Quiver.

Kubrick would have Nicholson perform each scene multiple times. One take would be angry, one would be calm, one would be crazy. Kubrick would then sit through and decide which portrayal perfectly captured the right tone for the film. So, props to Nicholson for repeatedly acting and entirely adapting each scene over and over again, and also props to Kubrick for knowing which exact mood would add just the right amount of drama to each scene.

It’s scary enough purely on its own – Kubrick used only one special effect (the maze sequence). If you think about modern (2000+) horror films, they are entirely packed with special effects. Budget-depending, some are obviously very effective whereas some are god awful. The Shining relies entirely on the acting from the cast, and although there could have been lots more special effects, it really doesn’t need them.

Duvall just plays the perfect simpering, whiny wife to complement Nicholson. With her big cow-eyes and frankly awful wardrobe choices, she is undeniably annoying. However, in this film (and this film only) it works. As Torrance becomes increasingly mad, she remains consistently annoying and helpless. Also, the scene between Duvall, Nicholson and the baseball bat took 127 takes, which I think was a record at the time.

Nicholson improvised the oh-so famous line… Here’s Johnny! It was from the Tonight show with Johnny Carson, and was just randomly spouted by Nicholson. Awesome. I think that is one of the most quoted film quotes ever. If I ever mention The Shining, people always shout that at me, which I enjoy. Nicholson improvised a lot of his scenes, and Kubrick and himself worked together to further develop Torrance’s character. Also, this clip of Nicholson warming up is amazing.

Danny is creepy. He has a very expressive face, and is incredibly good at acting for a wee one. Apparently real-life Danny had no idea that he was filming a horror film. He just thought it was a drama about a family in a hotel, which is pretty impressive considering how creepy some of the scenes are.

It remains the only horror film that I can watch over and over again and still find something new to appreciate. Whether you focus on another element, or a particular character, the film continues to deliver dramatic scenes.

You know you love The Shining too…

American Mary – Review

American Mary is a 2012 Canadian slasher flick from identical twin directors Jen & Sylvia Soska, who you may recognise as the directing team behind the bluntly titled “Dead Hooker in a trunk“. On a cosy Friday night, Laura and I were browsing through the recent releases section of Sky Movies, shovelling chilli into our mouths, when we came across this film. The synopsis piqued our interest, and we decided to give it a go.

The story begins with Mary Mason (played by Katharine Isabelle), a daydreaming medical student who’s going through a rough financial patch (we’ve all been there!) With the student loans company and her phone provider constantly on her back, she decides to become a stripper to raise some funds. The interview takes an unexpected turn, however, when sleazy strip-club owner Billy Barker (Antonio Cupo), takes her to a basement room downstairs to a tortured man. Amongst some slightly choppy dialogue, Billy essentially says “Mary, you’re a surgeon right? Fix up this man and you can have $5000”. Mary reluctantly accepts his offer and gets to work.

It turns out that Mary did a very good job on this man, and word starts to spread of her surgical skills. The next day she’s approached by a woman who calls herself “Beatrice” (Tristan Risk), and it transpires later in the film that she’s a chief figure in the Body Mod community. Beatrice models herself on Betty Boop. When seeing her for the first time, we almost spat out our chilli across the room in shock. Her appearance in the film is nothing short of discomforting. Surely this can’t just be the work of good makeup, can it? Whatever it is, it’s super effective. Good work!

“Boop boop a doop!”

After Mary transforms Ruby (Beatrice’s client) into a real-life doll by removing her nipples and sewing up her vagina, Beatrice decides to show up unannounced at Mary’s hospital (where she’s training to become a surgeon) and congratulates her on a job well done. Lecturer Dr. Walsh (Clay St. Thomas) oversees this exchange, and decides to invite her to a house party that’s taking place “for surgeons only”. Despite billions of alarm bells ringing at this point, Mary accepts.

Scantily clad and dressed to impress, Mary attends at the party and is greeted by a psychopathic Dr. Black, a calm Dr. Walsh and a slimy Dr. Grant (David Lovgren) (who is another of Mary’s lecturers and one she doesn’t have a good relationship with). Things take a really awful turn, when it transpires that Mary’s drink (which she is offered as she walks through the door) is spiked. Dr. Grant drags an unconscious and barely awake Mary to a back room where he brutally rapes her. Combined with the dark-red low level room lighting and dissonant droning tones in the background, the way this is presented in the film is incredibly stark and uncomfortable to watch.  We’ll probably put this part of the film on the ‘Scene’s that will haunt us forever’ list, residing right next to the rape scene in ‘I Spit on your Grave‘, which is equally dreadful.

The rest of the film really peters out from this point onwards. It’s almost like the directors said, “Right, good job so far. Let’s leave it for now and go get pissed!” then woke up a few hours before it was due to be filmed. “OK, we’ve got the completed script ready to go?” “No boss, we still have another 1 hour to fill”. “Oh. Right Jen get some Red Bull and let’s blitz this fucker…” The rushed story writing really shows and completely dampens the experience.

Simply put, Mary’s profile in the ‘underground surgeon’ and body modification circuit continues to grow, the slimy Dr. Grant becomes Mary’s ‘experiment’ and he is transformed into a human teddy bear strung up by his skin (justice is served), Mary gains a few new clients (including Jen & Sylvia Soska who make an appearance as a pair of wannabe siamese twins with GOD AWFUL German/Russian accents), Mary’s antics catch the interest of Detective Dolor, Mary’s nan dies, Beatrice is killed, Ruby’s husband (angered at her transformation) stabs Mary whilst the cops bust her, and the film ends with Mary trying to sew her stab wound back together. Yep – that’s it. Fin. So, let’s talk less about what the film is about, and give you some insight of what we thought.

“What are you smiling at?!”

Essentially, American Mary is like a really good opportunity which is completely missed. It’s the film equivalent of going to the best burger restaurant in town and ordering a salad.

The film does have it’s good points:

• It serves it’s purpose as a gross-out slasher flick with gruesome scenes which will stick around with you for a little while. (If you’re at all squeamish, you might want to give this a miss and watch Finding Nemo or something instead.)
• Katharine Isabelle is a decent actress, and she plays the strong female protagonist fairly well with good insight into her character
• The dark, grimy scenes complement the film’s genre well and the camera work is pretty solid

Sadly though, it’s outweighed by these negatives:

• A lot of the acting is pretty dreadful. We’d like to take this opportunity to highlight two extreme cases, one from the Soska sisters and the other from the diabolically bad John Emmet Tracy, who plays Detective Dolar. The Soska sisters speak in this confused mix-bag of an accent which doesn’t quite know if it’s Russian or German, and we’re pretty sure that John Emmet Tracy was actually, at one point, a robot. His line delivery is incredibly monotone, his acting skills are more wooden than Pinocchio and he generally just seems disinterested during the film.
• As mentioned earlier, the storyboard really takes a turn for the worst after the graphic rape scene. Apart from Mary getting her sweet revenge at Dr. Grant, nothing really stood out for us during the rest of the film. There are plot-holes aplenty (why is Mary still a stripper when she’s earning big bucks? Perhaps she just loves it), a lot of the narrative and thematic ideas portrayed at the start of the film remain undeveloped, and the dialogue flows sloppily from one scene to the next with no real gusto or effort. Just refer to the Red Bull exchange earlier in this post, I think that sums it up best.
• The music is pretty damn bad – think of extremely dated 90s industrial german metal sung by a budget Placebo. “I love you…I hate you…I love you”….
• Some of Mary’s outfits are very unnecessary. We understand that the film has dark and erotica-industrial themes, but Mary is virtually naked throughout the entire film (even when she’s in theatre). Don’t get me wrong, she’s quite an attractive actress, but her costumes just give the film a bit of a ‘male fantasy’ image which doesn’t quite fit in. It’s quite like the film doesn’t know whether it wants to be a thriller, a slasher, a horror, or a porno.

 

In short, for fans of the horror/slasher genre then this film is a decent enough watch for the first half. If it’s a gripping plot and great story writing you’re after though, then look elsewhere as American Mary is a bit of a damp squib in that department.

 

The Lampy-Metre

The Lampy-Metre? What’s this about? I’m confused?! Fear not, fellow horror fan – check out our About page for some more info behind our unique and wonderful film rating system.

 

Ouija – Review

Take one Ouija board, add five teenagers, a mental patient and some tried ‘n’ tested horror film tactics. The end result? The appropriately titled “Ouija”, one of 2014’s Hollywood blockbuster horrors directed by Stiles White, who is better known for his special effects work on The Sixth Sense. To summarise, the film is like a roller coaster ride. You sit yourself down prepared for thrills and shocks, and it delivers. Afterwards, you get off the ride and that’s it – fin. There’s no point going on the ride again, as you know what’s coming…

Basically, the plot is entirely predictable. The film opens with Debbie (played by Shelly Henig) committing suicide using some fairy lights, leaving behind five grieving friends and lots of unanswered questions. The best friend, Laine (played by Olivia Cooke), drags her friends into Debbie’s house and coerces them into playing with the Ouija board (which Laine had found amongst Debbie’s possessions).

(Disclaimer: there is no innocent baby Sylvester in this film)

The board is down and the five courageous teens hold the planchette. Cue the inevitable “Who’s moving it, is it you?” “Don’t look at me! She did it!” etc. etc. Eventually, enough happens so that everyone believes that Debbie is communicating with them. “Hi Friend!” 

Wait for it though – the spirit isn’t Debbie but is in-fact the mysterious ‘DZ’. Looking through the planchette, Laine sees a little girl ghost (the worst kind) with her lips sewn together, and an angry mama ghost. After unleashing the beast within, the friends begin to be killed one by one. Run of the mill deaths here include… a nasty wang to the head, more lip-sewing and a push into the pool. Laine uncovers some information, and as luck would have it, the sister of the dead ghost girl lives 5 minutes away in a mental asylum. The older woman (who is also in Insidious – horror buff?) tells Laine to unstitch DZ’s lips, allowing her to defeat ‘mother’, the evil matriarch.

“KIDS, GO TO YOUR ROOM!” – Mother

In a slightly different twist, the old crazy woman had spun a lie for her own benefit, and it turns out that DZ was actually the evil one. Poor mum. DZ continues to wreak havoc, and the film begins to get a little stale. Nothing original, and eventually only Laine and her sister are left. Things are looking bleak for the sisters, but then angel Debbie comes and saves the day. DZ is defeated, although the film ends on a note of ambiguity – the planchette is still there in Laine’s room, and the film closes with our protagonist looking through it. Had she learnt nothing?

The film is nothing new – there is nothing particularly unique about it. Although the jumpy scenes are very well done and certainly had the desired affect on us, the plot was weak and the acting erred on the side of wooden. This is definitely one to watch in the cinema, because that is where you will get the full effect. Don’t bother buying it on DVD/watching it on your laptop – take away the jumps and you are left with a lifeless, plot-holed waste of 90 minutes.

The Lampy-Metre

Just in case you’re new here, each film we review is rated with Lampy’s. Sometimes your imagination can run wild after watching a good horror; your mind will play tricks, you might be scared, you may imagine that zombie-vampire-monsters are patiently waiting at foot of your cosy bed ready to snatch you away. In these circumstances, Lampy’s dazzling halo of light will send them running for the hills and far away. The more terror you experience, the more Lampy’s you’ll need to sleep well.

Needless to say that, after this film, Laura and I had a wonderful night’s sleep in the pitch black darkness – dreaming of candy raindrops, fields full of colourful daisies and unicorns barfing rainbows. No scares here!